Making Choices.

Being the youngest in the family does have it's drawbacks. I can hardly remember my early childhood. My first memories are of age four or five. I can't remember anything about those first few years. I know of people , who remember their kindergarten teacher. As for me , all I remember is a room full of crying children , including me. But the reason I was crying was because the teacher was crushing me to her ample bosom,cooing ,"Don't cry baby."

I was always protected . My mother, father and sister always kept me away from any situation, good or bad. I just , sort of floated along with them , doing the things they did or doing the things they expected me to do. It was not bad, really. But in the bargain , I just never grew out of my cocoon. Well ,you could say , I was molly coddled , but in a nice way.

Only when my sister was married and gone did I get to experience life , in reality. I started making choices ,something I had never done before. One of the first ones was giving up fish. I had never liked eating fish but would continue to do so merely because my mother commented, " Who's heard of a Bengali not eating fish?" Making choices is an important part of growing up. I insisted on having omelette's instead of boiled eggs and surprisingly my mother gave in. I am not sure what it was, but maybe because I was the only one around she didn't think I was the younger one any more.

It took me a long time to open my wings and fly steadily. I bumped a number of times but got back on track and continued . I think my parents were shocked too. I was a very average student in school, but by the time I was in college, I was doing very well. I had realised my potential and made the most of it. I continued to make choices and face the consequences that resulted from them. This taught me to make good choices.

As the years have gone by, I realise I have been living life on my terms . I am now a mother and constantly try to not molly coddle her. I need my child to be sharp and a go-getter of her dreams. Though I am going to make sure I can influence her dreams. At least until she dreams the right dreams.

Simple Truth's

During a particularly difficult phase in my life , I came across the benefits of meditation. I was introduced to it by an aunt and ever since I have never looked back. I have read voraciously and finally found what it takes to have peace of mind. Now I am addicted to it. It has in every sense helped to make my life simple and easy. I have more patience today . I have learnt to trust life and basically I am a better person today than I was some years back.

I always believed (wrongly) that for meditation I would need to have a blank mind. That in itself seemed a daunting task. I now know other wise. You see, your mind is not meant to be empty. It cannot be a vacuum, that's against the law of the Universe. Your mind is like the wind or the water, constantly flowing and gathering. Meditation is focusing.Focusing on a particular thought or mantra or even an object like an idol.

There are mental barriers you have to be overcome to follow this through. It should be a part of your daily routine like brushing your teeth in the morning. It's not necessary to do your meditation in the morning before the sun is up. You can do it any time of day or night. But it is good to establish a routine. Meditation and Creative Visualization have a lot in common. Both focus on the well being of the individual.

Life has three basic levels--Being,Doing and Having. They are never in conflict with each other. They exist together. Being happy is the final motive of any human,but we often struggle with it. The reason is--we do it backwards.We try to 'Have' more so that we 'Do' more so that we can 'Be' more happy. The way it actually works is ....you must first 'Be' happy with what you are,with what you have. This helps you to 'Do' more or gain more and this in turn will make you 'Have' more or help you get what you want.

These are simple truths that have helped me over the years.

Hello! Wake-Up!!

In today's fast paced life , I wonder how many youngster's are really 'in love'. Looking back over the years , my first love (and the last one) was the person I married, am still married to and hopefully will be married to until I die. That was the way in my day and age. And I am not that old ! Now, I believe the rules are pretty different. Children seem to be dating a lot more and some seem to continue doing that all their life. I think, they need a reality check. "Hello! Wake up! There is no Mr(s) . Perfect".

The list of ,'Wants' for today's youngsters , male and female, could probably run into a few pages. On the other hand, the list of ,'Gives' is unfortunately very limited. There is absolutely no balance. The modern man, willing to settle down , wants his partner to be a 'complete' woman. By that he means, she should be pretty, earning a good salary, should be a good cook , a good mother , an excellent host (to his friends) , a good companion and to top all this,he wants to be the 'man' of the house. He needs a robot not a wife.

It's not any different for the woman either. She expects her man to be able to cook a meal, look after the kids when necessary, cleaning house should be a dual responsibility, expensive holidays abroad (a must) and must not go crazy if he finds her having a meal with a male colleague. She must to be allowed to have late nights, just like him. Equality, you see!!

I do not disagree with either of them . But what do they have to offer in return. A chaotic life , I think. Each comes and goes as and when required. They meet on weekends and food is usually a take away. In this confusion ,the children suffer. So in come 'the in-laws'. Nothing could please them more than taking care of their grand children. I know of a couple , whose parents took turns coming down to look after the child because she refused to give up her job. And living in different cities did not make it easier on the old parents.

I, however also know of couples who have made this formula work. They have wonderful children and they lead full , normal lives. Here I think it's important to mention that the woman did a lot more than the man (especially true in Indian houses). I choose to be a stay at home mom. My home is a sanctuary for me, my child and my busy husband. My husband often says that he waits to get home, away from the madness at his work place. That's my reward. Our home is a wonderful place full of happiness and joy and peace. I work damn hard to keep it that way.

Lesson's In Life.

This morning I got up on the wrong side of the bed. Has it ever happened to you? For no particular reason I was cross with everybody. The sad part is, I know that it's no body's fault ,but still. I try to vent my anger at my daughter or husband and they stare at me because they are not aware that anything is wrong. My daughter asks me, " Are u angry with me Mamma?" I did not know what to answer her. Had I answered in the affirmative , I did not have a valid reason to give her. And she is not one to accept something without sound reasoning. So there, I was stuck.

Anyhow, I got through the morning and after the two had left home I sat down to analyse the situation. What was I so angry about? Funnily enough, I didn't really know. But I do not easily give up.So I sat down and combed every incident in the last few day's that could have triggered of this abominate behaviour. And guess what......I found the reason. It was a small insignificant incident. I was pretty much upset with my behaviour (with my family). That is anger, futile and misguided anger.

I realise now, how anger can ruin my life. This is a small incident but what if it blew into something big. Anger can disrupt and wash away all that u have been trying to build. Why do we not question before we say something hurtful to someone? Why do we take for granted the wonderful people in our lives?

I have learnt from my mistake. I now take care to keep my anger in check and not let the wrong people bear the brunt of it. They are the people I love and they deserve better than this.

A Simple Life.

When I was in school ,we had a routine every Monday morning. It was called 'Thought of the Week.' In grade nine I came across this 'thought ' that has stuck with me all these years. It said, ' Success in life comes not from doing extraordinary things but in doing ordinary things extraordinarily well'. I have tried to live my life on this principle. Believe me, it's tougher than it sounds.

The toughest job in this respect I think, is in being a good and kind human being. I am not perfect and I don't claim to be so ,but I do really put in the effort to look beyond petty stuff. I think it comes with practice. The difficulty is in starting off and learning to look beyond the 'Self'. There is always someone out there who is worse off than you. So be happy or at least try to be happy with what u have. Have you ever tried giving without expecting anything in return?

I learnt Braille and volunteered my services to some visually impaired students. I made audio cassettes of their text books. This enabled them to hear their book repeatedly and do well in exams. I am glad that they did well and moved on in life. The whole experience was awesome. Be glad that you have all your faculties intact. People out there have to over come much more than you can ever imagine. Life is much more tough out there.

Meditation has helped me a lot. It gives me the strength to be grounded and to stay satisfied with life. It is a wonderful tool which can help you really see the world in a completely different perspective. Success will come to you naturally if you are one with yourself.