Self Worth--Worth Having.

A friend once asked me, "What do you value most in life?" "Life itself", probably would have been the right response. This is especially true in my case. People who have known me would understand why I would choose such a response. After giving it some thought I said,"My sense of self worth."

The reason I think , I chose self worth is because this is the value that has pushed me into evolving into a more confident human being. Having a sense of worth is paramount to any happy relationship. I am not talking about earning in materialistic terms. I am talking (well, in fact writing) about how happy and satisfied you are deep within. Do you need a pay-cheque at the end of a month to prove to yourself that you have self worth? Is there nothing else in your life you have to show for? Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with earning (and you should if you have the potential )a good pay packet at the end of each month. But that alone does not equate with self worth. Money and materialistic gains will help you get there but it is not the only ingredient .

Self worth gave me the impetus to fight disease and get back to a normal life. It is a very prominent feature in all my day to day tasks. True , I don't need to earn my living but i provide my husband with the support that his career demands. And he appreciates that fact completely.My self worth pushes me to inculcate the same values in my daughter, though it is an up hill task. I never give up a fight that I believe in. Again this is my self worth asserting itself. For me self worth is about being a well rounded individual.

Writing this blog , for instance, has given me a platform to prove to myself that I can put words together to make an interesting read. I just learnt that my cousin( who has a three year old) has enrolled for higher studies. Now that is SELF WORTH. It will always push you to learn more ,experience more and live a fuller life.

A NEW DAY--EVERYDAY

This is a small something I wrote a few months back when I was feeling particularly low.

A New Day

A new day begins--golden,bright and clear.
Forget the past--that part is lost.
Start Again.
Let's begin at the beginning
Bonding,holding hands forever.
Like the mighty sea wave,
gathering our successes,
washing away our failures.

Walk with me,be by my side,
let's face the world together.
Be calm,be strong,be sure
for now we have each other.
Gather memories,some sweet ,some bitter,
for life is both ,a balance Divine.
Move forward,fear not the future,
for on the horizon far
I see the sun shining bright.

I like reading,what about you?

I am not a writer.I don't have a way with words.And I don't know how to make a story interesting. But I do read a lot. This has given me a wild imagination and I love to Plot (Did u notice the capital 'P'). Often when I am by myself, I go into my secret world ,the world of imagination. And there you will find me happily plotting away.

Actually we are a family of readers. My parents, my sister and me,we all read a lot.I have found it to be a fantastic reprieve from daily ,humdrum, mundane matters. Nothing pleases me more than curling up with a book (Especially thrillers). On bitterly cold days you would find me completely happy with a cup of tea and a book. No complaints there.I can read a book from cover to cover in one sitting. That rarely happens though.Usually, my daughter or my husband or the phone will disturb me. At these times ,a book-mark helps.(I hate dog earring books and am pretty bad at remembering numbers).

I love the library system in Leeds. You can pick 20 books per person for a period of 3 weeks . It's all computerised and there is no check out counter . You put the books under the scanner and the computer will generate a receipt with your card number and details. While returning the books,you do the same except that the receipt will say "Thank you for returning the books".

I am now reading Jeffery Deaver.I liked his style of writing. His book 'Twisted' is really good.

"The Winner"----A Short Story.

Shondha hurried out of the bath hearing the pealing door bell.

"GOD! Not a moment's peace". she muttered.

The door bell sounded again as Sondha hurriedly put on a kaftan.She tried to get a glimpse of the man through the eye-hole.In the semi darkness of the corridor , she did not recognize the face and wondered of she should open the door at all.

"Hi Shondha". came a voice from the darkness.
The voice sounded vaguely familiar.NO.....no, it couldn't be! Not after so many years.

"Aditya...is that you?"Shondha was stunned.

She opened the door and stared at the man with salt and pepper hair.Twenty years had changed him a lot.He seemed heavier and he slumped a bit. Asking him to take a seat , she moved into the kitchen, "I'll get us some tea".
With him in the same room ,she felt claustrophobic and needed a moment to catch her breath.

Alone in the living room, Aditya looked around him. A comfortable space done up in bright colors. The room had a distinctive Indianess and warmth to it.There was a pile of books and papers on the table in front of him. The photograph of a young girl in her teens hugging Shondha dominated the room. He scoured the room for any more photo's. There were none. Shondha he noticed had put on some weight and her hair was done differently. But she was still beautiful. Her doe eyes and creamy complexion were still intact.

In the kitchen,fighting the emotional turmoil she vowed to deal with the situation in a calm and collected manner.In the living room,she offered him the tea and sitting down asked, "So,what's bought you to Kolkata?"
"Nothing.just wanted to catch up on old times".
Shondha nodded as her mind went into flashback. Twenty years ago they had been married for a brief period. Painful memories flooded back. The rejection and humiliation buried deep within came back in a flash.

Shondha had been 21 then,a good looking and carefree girl.Her parents had forced her to consider marriage 'as an engineer settled abroad' was a good catch. They had been married within a month.

Her dreams had been shattered soon after the ceremony. Aditya made it very clear that he had no intention of taking her back with him. He had Janice there--his live in partner.Shondha had been devastated. She needed to think and re plan her whole life.She also knew that her parents would demand an immediate divorce and another marriage had they known the truth. Marriage had left a bitter taste in her mouth and she was not about to forget it easily. Her aim now was to be independent and live life on her terms.

Divorce was obviously the only option and she took it. She picked up the strings of her life by enrolling for higher studies. Her parents had been dumb struck by her grown up attitude but this time they did not interfere.They felt guilty and responsible for the mess Shondha was in. Shondha worked hard. She was a teacher during the day and took classes at night to further her degrees.Soon her hard work was paying off.Better opportunities were coming her way. She was financially secure and doing well professionally.Currently she was the HOD for LITERATURE in a well known college.Two years back she had inherited her parents home and money giving her a comfortable life.Shondha was happy with the way her life had taken shape. Seeing Aditya had shaken her up. She hated not having complete control of her life.

Now, she noticed Aditya looking at Purva's photo.Should She tell him about Purva? No, she decided. Purva had nothing to do with him. Purva was part of her life, her present and her future.

"How's Janice?" Shondha asked.
"We separated last year".Aditya answered looking at the geometric design on the carpet.
"I'm sorry to hear that. Any children?".
"Will you forgive me ,for everything?" Aditya blurted out.
"I've learnt to live in the present,Aditya.Forget the past".
"Janice left me for a younger man,I don't have a present".said a sad Aditya.

A very embarrassing silence ensued until thankfully the door bell was pealing again.Shondha opened the door and Aditya watched as the young girl from the photograph entered the room.
"Hi Maa. I'm so hungry. Can we ......Oh! sorry." Purva had just noticed a stranger in their room.
Shondha introduced them.
"Aditya this is my daughter ,Purva."
Purva said a quick hello and excused herself from the room.
"So you remarried?" almost accusingly Aditya questioned.
"No Aditya , I did not."
"Then Purva....."
"I adopted her when she was four months old".
Aditya just stared.A new respect crept into his eyes.He looked away.Here was Shondha,so confident and courageous. A woman who had moulded not only her life but another one as well.She had emerged the winner.He had lost. Janice had left him like he had left Shondha.....without an anchor. He had hit rock bottom.

"It's time for me to go now".
"Yes,Aditya it's time".

Shondha quietly opened the door and watched as Aditya faded away into the darkness....once again.

It's the little things in life that matter.

Have you ever tried to count the blessings in your life? Yesterday I did. The weather was gloomy and it had a similar effect on me. I was cribbing about the things I did not have when a thought struck me. What do I have that I can be happy about? So I sat down with paper and pencil and made a list.

Surprisingly it went on and on. I have so much to be grateful for. It made me see things with a new perspective. Like I had put on new glasses. The person in the mirror was the same but still looked different. We often forget (like I did) to look at the things we have. I am not talking big expensive materialistic possessions, but the small often overlooked blessings.

My parents have just moved into their new home. Thankfully everything has gone according to plan without any kind of casualty. I was worried sick because I was not there to help them. But family and friends pitched in to make this possible.
My husband is secure in his work place and has not been affected in any way in the present economic scenario.
All my family and friends enjoy good health and often when I call them I am so glad to hear them laugh and to be able laugh with them.
My daughter has settled down so well and so quick in this new country .She enjoys school and has many new friends.She is truly happy.

As i went to pick up my daughter after school yesterday , she came running out of her class , hugged me and presented me with a small crushed flower.
"Ma this is for you".
"Thank u , baby".
"I found it during play hour and kept it safely in my pocket for u".
What more can I say.I am blessed to have a little Angel in my life.

Last Saturday we had gone out shopping groceries, when hubby suddenly vanished leaving my daughter and me wondering where he had gone off to. After a good 15 minute wait I see him returning , his arms full of .....no not roses,but granola bar packets. There was this sheepish grin on his face that I shall always carry close to my heart.I love these bars, so noticing an offer on them he went out and purchased 10 packets. Each packet has 6 bars. That's 60 of them.
I am truly blessed.

Growing up with BOITHOKI.

BOITHOKI. The mere mention of this word conjures up images of good food.For those who don't know it's a club,of Bengali's in Pune, who met up every 3 weeks for good fun and without doubt, good food. There used to be some 35 odd members who started this group in the late 60's. My parents were part of it. As i was born in '73 I automatically grew up among these people. Surprisingly , a number of it's members had children in the same year. So In 1973 Boithok's strenght grew as it started accommodating new members. Looking back, I can safely say Boithoki was a major influence in my life. Some of my best and closest friends are still from this group. Boithoki has always given me a sense of 'belonging'.

There were five major groups in Boithoki. The father's sat together in the same room with the mother's but somehow there used to be a clear demarcation in territory. Next came older sibling group .All of us had older brother's or sister's. They kind of looked down their noses at us and we were seldom allowed to be in their group. The next was my group. We were the 'chillerpatti', if u know what I mean. But that changed as time went by. Some of the younger couples now had children and suddenly we were promoted.The toddlers now became the 'chillerpatti'.

We celebrated all the festivals in the Hindu calender and never missed the opportunity to celebrate New Year together. My best picnics have been with this group.The father's cooked (for a change) and the mother's sat back relaxing and enjoying the day. The picnics always ended with a game.I can still see all of us sitting under trees with a scrap of paper, cancelling the numbers being called out, hoping to win the,'jaldi five' or 'first row'. We have taken part in plays and dance dramas, performed in front of huge audiences and won accolades for the performance. Even our parents have put up grand shows and there was a time when all the Bengali's in Pune who attended the Congress Bhawan Durga Puja (and I am sure many more)knew Boithoki.Such was it's fame.

I could go on writing forever but duty calls , so I end this with a hope that somehow,someday I am able to provide my daughter with the same sense of 'belonging'.

Double celebrations!

It's dark and rainy and unbelievably cold outside. In the comfort of my warm house as i sip a cup of my favourite tea , I feel happy and satisfied.It's my parent's anniversary.I have been trying to call them for the last half hour but the phone goes on ringing and there is no answer. I feel sure they would have gone out to celebrate this wonderful day. I am surprisingly not worried about not being able to reach them. I know it's their day. Maybe they are catching a movie, or just meeting with friends and family.
There is another reason for me to be happy.5 years ago on this very day I walked home with my bundle of joy.I am truly amazed at the way time has flown.It's been a such a great adventure.Someday when she is all grown up I would like her to read this blog.I hope these memories fill up the gaps that inevitably occur as one grows up.

.A Tough Job

I have now been married for a good 10 years. In these 10 years , my education of life and it's demands have been astoundingly immense. I have a great marriage but i have to constantly work at it being even better. All the rosy pictures of a newly married couple (walking of into the sunset) have been slowly replaced by practicality. That I think is an important lesson learned. Next, be willing to give and Very patient to receive. It takes a lot to have a really Happy Marriage. As the years roll by and the first flush of 'being married' dies away, reality hits you.
My thoughts after our first really BIG fight were "This is not the person i married".(I am sure my husband felt the same).In no time we had resolved our differences but made a rule that we would never end the day on a sour note. How naive! It's almost funny now.We have realised that we are two different individuals and each is allowed to have their own opinions.So what do u do? The answer is in striking a balance.And that scary word'compromise'.
It's not that bad, really. My life with my partner is just great. A few downs , but plenty of ups. I have enjoyed the ride.It's been slippery in places but we have always been next to each other,neither ahead nor behind.That's the secret!
The addition of our daughter to our family,has definately helped.We now see the world through her beautiful,innocent eyes. She has been a gift in my life. I must have done something pretty good in my last life to deserve her in this one.She's amazing and has changed our life completely. And my husband agrees with me completely on this one.
Marriage has changed me as it has him. We have learnt to live with our differences and often have benefited from it. I love my life and would not exchange it for any other.I still have that one dream though, of walking of togeather into the sunset.Maybe it will come true. We are working at it all the time .

Tongue Twisters .

Hi all! This morning I came across some really quick ,slick tongue twisters.It's from a book called , 'Fox In Socks' by Dr.Seuss. Lets see u try them; It's about a fox and a dog called,Knox.
Fox Socks Box Knox

Knox in box.
Fox in socks.
knox on fox in socks in box.

Socks on Knox and Knox in box.
Fox in socks on box on knox.

Chicks with bricks come.
Chicks with blocks come.
Chicks with bricks and blocks and clocks come.

Socks on chicks
and chicks on fox.
Fox on clocks
on bricks and blocks.
Bricks and blocks
on Knox on box.

Please , Sir. I don't like this trick ,sir.
My tongue isn't quick or slick , sir.
I get all those ticks and clocks, sir,
mixed up with the chicks and tocks, sir.
I can't do it, Mr.Fox,sir.

"Make-up" Blues.

The latest thing occupying "K" is make-up. A few children had turned up at school with make -up . This has given her fresh reason to be upset with me for not allowing her to wear any. She said she was going to ask Santa to give her 'make-up' as next year's Christmas gift. I always say "NO" but if Santa gave it to her I couldn't do a thing ,could I? Just goes to show how much she knows about Santa!

But this dialogue has got me thinking. Do I really always say "NO". The answer to that is sadly in the affirmative. My daughter ( all of 5 years ) has managed to bring this out in the open . My question is ,do all mothers do this or am I one of very few? But i cannot give into all the demands she makes . So now I have started following a new tactic, though i don't really know how long it will last.

When the topic came up at the breakfast table (AGAIN) , I stated that our daughter was so pretty that she didn't need any . At first there was silence .Then,"you really think so, Mummy ?"

"of course I do."

"Okay"



I could not believe that the subject was dropped there. She continued spooning down her cereals .Grabbing the opportunity, my husband and I started discussing other mundane things.

"But can I have some lipstick on when I am really big , like 15 years old? "she asked.

"Sure , why not." said I



We have left this conversation there. As of now she is waiting for her 15 Th birthday.

Day Dreaming Helps.

The husband is off to work and "K" is at school .My morning duties are over and now its "my time" time. This is my usual routine and I would not have it any other way. The house is quite and I can get on to doing things without any interruptions or interference. Like writing this blog .It's just been a couple of days and I look forward to doing this from the time I am up. My mind goes into thinking mode while I go on functioning like the robot I need to be to get things done on time. I have even caught myself talking to "ME". Isn't that strange? I have never done that before! (NO ......I AM NOT OFF MY ROCKER )
I day dream a lot. I like to plan in advance and then put in a lot of positive energy into what i want. The funny thing is that it usually works. Believe me .....you should try it too. The "enlightened ones" call it THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING. The Guru's have written about this phenomenon and have used it to fulfill many of their dreams. So why can't I ? I have read Shakti Gawain , Wayne Dyer and other authors in this field and the message is the same.
If you have a great desire for something , it could be anything, a trip , a new job, an expensive dress you saw,anything at all,then this is a really good way to attain it. All you need to do is to put out your desire to the universe and go on focusing on it (positively),until it materialises. It's usually sooner than later.
Somehow things just fall in place . To give u a small example. I had not met my sister ,M, for a really long time. And there just didn't seem anyway that we could be getting together in the new future.( She live in Canada). So I placed my faith in the Universe and really focused on us meeting up. I did not bother about the details of how or when. I day dreamed about us getting together and spending time together and having a lot of fun. I was planning what we would do and what we would talk as if she was already here with me.
She suddenly called me up one evening at around 7 to announce that she was coming over to UK to visit me. JUST LIKE THAT. I said a silent "thank you " to the Universe for listening to me and then continued to make preparations for her visit .
I hope this helps somebody out there or at least that people would just keep an open mind to this. TRY IT , IT WORKS !

CUP CAKES

I always set goals for myself. Things that I want to do before it's too late. And one of them is to bake delicious cakes . I have a passion for cooking but baking......that scares me stiff. I guess it is just a mind block, something I am sure I can put behind me. I have promised my daughter ,K, that I will bake her some cup cakes to take to school on the next" bring and sell "in school , to raise money for renovating the school building.
Easier said than done . I have started by looking out for good but easy recipes to start with. And My God! The net is full of them. Now I have to sit and decide on the one I should follow. (Talk about spoilt for choice). So I have my work cut out for me in the next few days, and I am going to do it too.
I will keep u posted.

Golden Times

My niece has been asking me to send her a letter, by snail mail. She says she wants to receive a letter by post. I was a tad surprised. I remember waiting for the postman during my school days. After my sister was married , my mother waited up every afternoon until she was sure the postman had gone back and there was no letter for her. And if there was a letter , that was the first thing i heard when I was back from school. That was a different life altogether. Today it is the era of instant gratification.It's not that I am complaining, I am a part of it too. The joy of receiving a letter by post or rather the anticipation of the letter is something I cannot easily forget.
My niece is now an adult and away at University studying French. This request of a letter by snail mail made me think of the days when that was the only option one had. And here I am at a time when ,M, is specially requesting one! Obviously I wrote her a nice long , juicy letter and BOY! was she happy. I am glad she has experienced a bit of "olden times" as she calls it. And I hope that when she finds that "someone special " she can have a few "letters" that will not disappear at the press of a button.

"Chicken Pakoras, anybody?"

The weekend's here and my family always expect something special. My daughter , this morning , before leaving for school , has asked for "chicken pakoras" in the evening. I know it's oily and not too healthy but I do give into her demands now and then. And anyway I am hoping she will back me up for some shopping (with her fathers credit card) on the weekend. You don't think I'm bribing her , do you?

This is a rather simple way to make mouthwatering crispy pakoras and it does not take too long either. So here goes:

I usually use boneless chicken as it cooks faster and is easier to eat . Cut the chicken into small cubes, not so small that it shrivels up after frying but into bite sized pecies, marinate with white vinegar, ginger garlic paste,one small onion (grated),green chillies,black pepper powder,corriander leaves and salt. Marinate for as long as possible but atleast for an hour. It's best if u marinate in the morning and cook in the evening.

Before frying you need to add an egg and cornflour to the chicken . Mix well with a spoon and deep fry in hot oil. It's a lovely treat on a cold wintry evening with cups of hot tea (and hot gossip?)

A New Begining .

I made no resolutions this new year. Instead I made a new begining. A new areana that I have never explored before, my own blog. How cool is that! This blog is about life and more importantly , about living . It will include recepies , jokes and anything that I (or for that matter YOU) find interesting and worth sharing. I am venturing into this with the aim that I will make friends , learn a lot and hopefully will have fun doing that .
So, a little about myself. I am married and happily at that for a number of years. My life revolves around my daughter who has just turned five. I am now in UK ,Leeds as hubby dear is here on assignment. I have lived in India for most of my life and this is the first time I have ventured out of my country. New life, new experiences , and "A New Begining ".